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Key points
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Fatherlessness often creates absence and longing.
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The effects on daughters can be physical, emotional, relational and psychological.
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The resulting grief and loss create the need to mourn as part of gaining balance and well-being.
A woman dreamt that her friend’s husband, who is a huge narcissist, self-centered, and only thinks of himself, was buying a house for him and her. Although they were together in the dream, the house would be in the man’s name, not hers. When she woke, she realized he was like her father, never considering or giving to anyone and only caring about himself.
The dreamer called herself a fatherless daughter. Her dream highlights the confusion, loneliness, and estrangement of daughters experiencing absent fathers to whom they cannot get close. From the dream, she drew a connection between what is called a negative father complex in Jungian analytical psychology. She recalled how she accommodated the upsetting, controlling energy, diminishing herself, just like her father did to her. She realized if she continued being unconscious of the internalized dynamics turning against herself, she would have nothing left.
According to the dream, the house was all his. In her life, this manifested as difficulty being heard, going silent, being walked on, and feeling weak and without validation. In many ways, she replicated the psychological adaptation of what is called a puella in Jungian psychology. This epithet means a young girl who is childish and undeveloped in asserting her self-agency.
A picture by the Spanish-Mexican artist Remedios Varo is called “Woman Leaving the Psychoanalyst.” The picture is described as her dropping the head of her father in a basket, illustrating her release from the restrictive dictatorial tie he had represented. This action signifies the freedom to be herself, no longer impeded by the internalized father/male figure. The image also tells a complex story because she is veiled in it. We do not know what it means or what happens when the veil comes off.
Unfortunately, a puella type did not recognize or accept herself when paternal images of inadequacy were projected onto her, confusing her development. These depictions of the negative father figure shed light not only on the symptoms and problems but also on the need for treatment and renewal. Self-realization is embedded in the Jungian analytical and therapeutic processes as the psyche strives to find balance. In therapy, she will begin to examine what has been there, what was suppressed, what she needs, and where she learned to remain helpless. This process can be assisted by accessing the creative impulses for repairing the personality damage.
The situation of the missing father is prevalent in our Western societies, whether he is physically abandoning himself, his partner, or his children. Or perhaps he is emotionally absent, absorbed in work, demonstrating a blankness of emotion, feelings, or interest while also being dictatorial in his control. If the father relationship is insufficient, the girl continues to seek him and his assumed power in convoluted ways, often destructive to herself. She usually does not access her own power, and the perpetuation of the myth of the compliant daughter/girl/puella subsumed by the father/patriarchy continues. The father retains his desired image as the grand and ultimate leader, and she becomes a mere extension, invisible and unknown.
Inside, an ache remains, accentuating the issues of living without a present father. The slant to disappointment, discouragement, and expectations sadly unmet lay down a psychological burden as the memory of the father is colored with emptiness. Puella, although overwhelmed by the father, the patriarchy, and the masculine in a myriad of forms, takes on the role of his darling and is colloquially called “Daddy’s Girl.” As such, her strength fades.
The resistance and tradition against examining the father and his roles are the ghosts remaining in the unconscious, sapping energy and psychic space. Fragility and vulnerability are obscured just enough to be out of immediate vision. When the father’s mental representation is negative or absent, his assaultiveness is internalized against her. The child and then the adult cannot trust, find herself, or relate sufficiently with others.
Too few opportunities for good experiences between a father and daughter pass on a legacy of non-involvement and personal detachment. Action becomes inhibited, emotional development is arrested, and adulthood is feigned rather than realized. Without sufficient emotional connection, attachment becomes difficult and inhibits satisfaction in relationships, making love a difficulty, not a pleasure.
Identification with or ignorance of the absent father effect can bring melancholic attachment to the internalized absence (Schwartz, 2021). Desperate and isolated, puella types deaden themselves by going through the motions, not fully living, always looking for what is missing. The natural longing for personal involvement and empathic understanding signifies the importance of father-relatedness.
In other words, the father has remained a presence even though his lack and absence have been an obvious detriment. In fact, the presence of his absence is powerful in its impact, reverberating through a person and culture. The puella type remains attached to the unfulfilled emptiness as a negative father complex continues to haunt the psyche. Afflicted by the inner loss, in addition to the outer, there is an unconscious need to restore the absent paternal care. Dealing with the absence of a father leads to exploring, understanding, and gaining release to be oneself.
Part of a father’s role is to recognize the child’s desires, needs, goals, and talents. A daughter needs the experience of a good and present father figure, not too powerful or too passive. When he is present in the correct way emotionally and physically, the puella aspect of the personality forms into a healthy sense of self.
Because the father implies qualities residing or possible in all people, the daughter can develop a beneficial and supportive father for impetus and energy. The father’s position, formerly embroiled in negative dynamics, becomes restored to a fuller place, enhancing development for the father as well as the daughter. The hope is to find a way into oneself through inner psychological work.
The emphasis becomes on staying conscious of the hurt and using the experiences. This requires developing from the absence, recognizing the lack, the unrepaired, and the missing by filling in the present. Acknowledgment of being without the father one wanted constitutes loss, rage, longing, wounds, and despair, as well as indicating an opening for transformation.
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