Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? Here are some ways you can
make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty.
Ask open-ended questions to encourage your partner to open up and talk. Open-ended questions begin like this:
Tell me about...
What do you think of...
What was it like when...
Learn and practice communication skills. Relating successfully to another person requires a set of skills that can be learned.
Demonstrate to your partner that you respect and esteem him or her, try speaking with “I” messages instead. When you start
your statement with “I,” you are taking responsibility for the statement. It is less blameful and less negative than the “you” message.
Here is a formula: Your Feelings + Describe the behavior + Effect on you. This is how an “I” message sounds: When I heard that you’d
planned a weekend up north, I was confused about why you hadn’t asked me first, so I could be sure to get the time off.
It takes some practice and you have to stop and think about what you are going to say, but your marriage deserves to be handled with care.
Make a list of your partner's positive qualities. Share them with him or her and tell them why you think each is true.
Spend regular time together alone.
Look for ways to compliment your partner.
Hug when you say hello and goodbye. It feels good and it makes people feel loved.
When your partner faces a challenge at work during the day, ask how it went when you get home.
During your evening meal together, avoid the temptation to watch television or read the paper or mail.
Look at your partner and have a conversation.
Researchers have found that people whose marriages last the longest have learned to separate from their families of origin
(their own parents and siblings) and have appropriate, healthy boundaries. They value and honor their own privacy and separateness
as a couple. This means they have regular, appropriate contact with their extended family, but that it is not excessive or stifling.
How do you compare?